I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in November of 2008 but I had been suffering with it for years prior to that. I've tried to think back to when my symptoms started but it's been so long ago that I really can't quite remember. I do think that my mother's death is either what started it or what pushed me over the edge.
I could list websites and resources that would give a more thorough, more medical definition as to what fibromyalgia is but instead I'm going to just tell you what it is for me.
I think the first symptom I had was the achiness, that overall feeling of having the flu. I can remember thinking that I was always coming down with something but that "something" never came about. I just ached all the time. Then there was the fatigue, at first it wasn't too bad, now it can debilitating at times.
I have to share that I also have hypothyroidism, I was diagnosed with that 13 years ago so some of my symptoms at times were due to that. And I have noticed that quite a few people that I know with fibromyalgia also have thyroid disease.
I don't know what exactly happened in November of 2008. It was like I hit a wall. I was having pain in my hips and lower back. I was so tired that I would get my kids to school and then sleep all day, only waking up because it was time for the kids to get home from school. I started feeling like I was losing my mind.
Thankfully I have an awesome doctor. She takes the time to listen to me and has never once judged me or made me feel as if all my symptoms are in my head. She has gone out of her way to help me, I see her every 3 months now just to touch base, go over my medications and switch things up if needed.
Having fibromyalgia has been hard for me to accept. I used to be able to exercise for an hour at a time, walk 3-4 miles. Now I am happy to get 30 minutes and I can't do it everyday. I used to get up in the morning and just hop out of bed, no pain, no incredible stiffness.
I have had to learn how to pace myself, I don't always and I pay for it afterwards. I pulled weeds on Sunday for about an hour and a half or so with breaks and I am still so stiff and sore. At first I refused to pace myself, now I see the importance of it. Better to pace myself than push and be completely down for several days.
I've also had to figure out what medications work for me. Lyrica was the first thing I tried, it worked but not well enough to put up with the side effects. I gained 30 pounds in what felt like a week and I was so swollen. So I no longer take it but I know it does wonders for others. However, when I see the Lyrica commercial on TV and they make it seem like you just get your life back with that one simple pill, I just want to hurl something at the screen. It's not that easy.
Thanks to fibromyalgia, I now have IBS or irritable bowel syndrome and that's been a load of fun. But I'm learning to manage that too, looks like my daughter has IBS as well so we're going to conquer it together. We are going gluten free for one month to see if it helps.
I haven't come to a place yet of being thankful for fibromyalgia. I have learned to stand up for myself, to speak up and ask for what I need which is something that I directly attribute to my diagnosis. I think that fibro is also teaching me what is most important, to not sweat the small stuff. But more than anything, it is teaching me how to take care of myself which is something I've never done before. Not completely anyway. And I'm starting to see, to realize deep down how important it is for me to care for myself better.
I know my diagnosis has brought disappointment to my family. I can't and don't say yes as often as I used to. I rest way more than they are used to. I have also been depressed, very depressed where I've kind of just checked out. You know, I've been here physically but that's about it.
I still have moments of the poor me's or the why me's but I try not to stay there too long. I have moments of anger with those who just don't get it and don't want to get it. I have wished for them to live in my body for a week just so they would know. I have moments of being envious of others who can just get up and go without pain, without any worry about being so tired later you may not be able to drive home. I look at those people and I miss when that was me.
Even through my depression, my down days, my pitiful days I know that I'm going to be all right. I'm a survivor, always have been. I'm just trying to find my way.
