Tyra Creates

Friday Ramblings

Here is my little corner of the sofa, notice my ever present partner, waiting for me to sit back down.

This is where I curl up to surf the internet, read, watch TV, crochet, sleep. I feel comforted in my little spot.

However, I can get into a habit of spending way too much time there. I admit that I'm in one of those "times". I've been forcing myself to do things because that's what I have to do. I could easily just stay right there, curled up with my dog and ignore the world.

This blanket was my mother's. She had her friend Miss Anna Ruth crochet it for her. I was just a little girl, maybe around 8 or 9. I remember Mom picking out the colors. That is exactly when I fell in love with crochet so Miss Anna Ruth taught me the basics.

This blanket was in my mother's living room until I brought it here to mine. I can still see her covered up with it, watching TV.

I miss her so much.

Here is the book I've been reading, it's an excellent read and I have a hard time putting it down.

You can also see my grocery list, I haven't taken the time yet to prepare a menu for next week so I can figure out what I need to buy. I haven't been doing so well couponing, mainly because it's a lot of work! I have to admit that I don't want to have to go to several different stores in order to get the deals. I have found also that the food I buy most often never has coupons because I'm trying to cook more from scratch. And healthy food costs more, let's face it fresh fruits and vegetables are not cheap. However, it's really important to me that we get away from the processed food and go more natural.

I just had to throw this picture in here. If I ever have any blog readers I know they are going to be incredibly tired of seeing pictures of Mack but I just can't help it.

He is just too cute!

Can you tell he's used to having his picture taken? It's like he just gives me a pose so he can get it over with and go back to his nap.  

Hmmm, napping sounds pretty inviting right now......

Journey Through Depression

Aren't these flowers pretty? I found this hanging plant at Sam's Club, I loved the colors so I splurged and spent the $20. 

For a long time I haven't had flowers decorating my home. I haven't planted flowers for a few years. My depression was so deep, I didn't care about anything. I didn't find beauty in anything.

I just didn't care.

I'm trying to find my way out of depression. I am on medication but it's almost like a recovery of sorts. I haven't tried to do anything like plant flowers, spend time outside in the sunshine listening to the birds, enjoy a gentle breeze on my skin that it's like I'm almost having to teach myself how to do those things again.

I spend quite a bit of time feeling fearful, unsure of myself and because of that I isolate. While I think being able to enjoy being alone is healthy, I can take it too far. I take it to the point where being around other people is almost painful. And the thing is, I like people. When I finally get out around people which is usually at one of the children's sporting events, I do feel better.

I know this is a journey, a process. Some days I get discouraged, I feel it's just too hard. But I don't want to be this way forever so I will continue to try my best, putting one foot in front of the other, trusting God to guide me even when I'm not asking for His guidance.

I have so much to be thankful for and I will such guilt, that I'm being ungrateful. I am thankful. I know that even with the hard times I have faced, I have so much.

I do have regrets. I know that I haven't been there for my children like I should have, could have. I know that I have lost so much time that I can't get back. Time I could've spent laughing, living, loving.

I can't dwell on the regrets or the guilt. I don't know why I have gone down the path I have, I hope one day I can use it all for good. 

I sometimes wish that I was "normal". I will watch other people, those that seem happy and I wish I was them. I can remember being a little girl, riding in the car at night and I loved looking into the windows of people's homes, especially those with open or no curtains. I would wonder what their lives were like and I was always certain that they had much better lives than I did.

Today I want to stop looking into the windows of others, wishing and longing for what they have. I want to be happy with what I have, content. I want to enjoy life, my life.  

Money Matters

Just like most people today, money has become somewhat of an issue for my me and my family. Our family business is in construction, we build new homes as well as renovations and additions. We were very lucky for awhile, business was booming, we had a waiting list 2 years out. We were in demand. We were so busy that we were only building new homes and turned all other work away.

Fast forward to now and we will do absolutely anything because work is that slow. We've had to let an employee go and if things don't improve we will have to lay off more. We hate to do that, we have awesome men that work for us, men that have families.

Unfortunately my husband and I were not smart with our money when things were good. Not that we have a house or car payment we can't afford but we did have some credit card debt and we didn't save like we should have. So here we are, having made a great deal less so far this year than we did last year.

We are taking things seriously now. We are learning the difference between a need and a want. I am learning to not be so impulsive, I stop and think instead of just opening my wallet. I've learned to love sales and bargain shopping. I refuse to buy anything full price.

Thankfully we've stopped trying to keep up with the Jones's. I was more at fault with that than my husband. I thought that my material posessions made me acceptable to others. Now I don't care that I'm driving a minivan with over 140,000 miles on it or that I don't own a Coach purse. I'm content eating home the majority of the time, it's healthier.

Due to my health, working 2 jobs is not possible. So, I'm learning to cook from scratch and I love it. I'm looking into ways to make money online by doing surveys and paid tweets. If you're interested, I have some opportunities listed to the left. I would be glad to pass on any info I find, just let me know and I will send you what I have by email, I just ask if you decide to sign up with any of them to please use me as your referral.

I'm trying to learn to use coupons for groceries. So far I'm not doing all that well, I mean I've read about some women pay next to nothing for a lot of food. Maybe I'll get there but I figure even my little amount helps.

I hope to make all these changes a way of life, not something I do until work is busy again. I hope we have learned the importance of having money in savings. I am so thankful that I no longer play the game of trying to keep up. Even though there are moments where I'm frustrated because I really want a pedicure and there just isn't money for me to get one, I have learned that my world won't end if my pedicure is given to me by my daughters. Actually, it's more fun that way.

I hope we are setting a good example for our children. They have had a hard time adjusting to all the changes but now even my daughters enjoy shopping sales and trying to get things as cheap as possible.

Life isn't about things anyway.