Wow, this place is dusty and very neglected, kind of like my home. Kind of like a lot of things in my life. The last few months I have just been getting by, which isn't enough for me. I don't want to just get by, I want to really live, enjoy, be open to everything.
Living with a chronic illness is overwhelming. There are days where I can barely manage my fibromyalgia let alone anything else. I get swallowed whole by the pain, the medication schedules, the fatigue, the lack of sleep even though I'm beyond exhausted.
What I've done is let my illness take over. The only thing I've managed to hold onto is my crochet. I no longer read because my brain doesn't comprehend or hold onto things like it once did. So I just stopped rather than trying to work with it. I stopped writing because sometimes I just can't find the words or I can't seem to put on paper what is on my mind.
Having just come out of a particularly bad flare, I realized all the things I have given up to my illness. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm ready to dust off the cobwebs, I want to blog again. I want to get lost in a good book again. I want to take my camera and take pictures of whatever strikes me. I want to enjoy my children.
I want to live.
You find the words VERY WELL. I have enjoyed reading all your blogs so far!!! I do not have what you do, but I feel very depressed being out of work. I,too , want to LIVE!! I need a job; I need a LIFE! One thing I've noticed is that since I have been getting more into crafting again, joining Cool2craft and The Hive, I feel better. Crafting does make me happy. Get back into reading! If you don't like that, try those sudoku puzzles---man, they will give your mind a workout! I look fwd to your next blog!
Your friend,
Lee in texas
Posted by: Lee | 09/12/2010 at 12:38 AM