Tyra Creates

How I'm Managing

It will be 2 years in November when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Over time I have tried different medications, looking for that magic fix. You know what I mean, like what the Lyrica commercials show. Take this pill and you can garden again. And maybe for some people it does work but in my many conversations with my support group on Twitter, most of us have had side effects that did not make taking it worth it.

I started out on Lyrica and Ultram (tramadol) as well as an antidepressant. After several months and more than several pounds later, I weaned off Lyrica and just stayed with the Ultram. I developed irritable bowel syndrome, actually IBS-C. I became so ill that I had to do a massive clean out if you will (sorry, TMI) and then I started Amitiza. Amitiza worked very well but gave me horrible headaches but I felt the headaches were worth the relief I had.

My pain was progressively getting worse, I tried muscle relaxers along with the Ultram. And they worked on the low pain days which were getting farther and farther apart. I could barely function, I was getting more depressed so back to the doctor I went asking for stronger pain medication.

I was given Vi*co*din and I still take it. I was also given Fe*nt*anyl patches which completely took my pain away but made me zombie like, unable to think, form sentences or stay awake. Then I started having suicidal thoughts. 

One day I was driving home from work, struggling to stay awake and crying. I came to the conclusion that I was taking medicine that was supposed to be helping me but it wasn't. It was hurting me and it was up to me to change that. Once I was home, I ripped off my patch and decided over time I would taper down the pain meds.

That being said, I am not going to suffer needlessly. I have kids, a job, a home and I want to live life to the best of my ability, not just exist. I still take pain meds, just the Vi*co*din. However I have started with some holistic/natural choices as well. And there are two that I swear by.

First is Corvalen which I read about in the book From Fatigued to Fantastic. I use it 3 times a day, I mix it in natural, organic orange juice. It does help my muscles and I can tell now if I've missed a dose. It's relatively inexpensive on Amazon which is where I buy it.

Last but not least is my favorite thing. Ever. I went to my local health food store asking for something to help with my leg cramps and I was told to try this and I swear to you within 3 days no more leg cramps.

I stopped taking it for a time, why I don't know but now I take it faithfully. Every single day and I'm up to 3 teaspoons a day which I break down to 3 times a day. It helps with my back spasms, it helps with my muscle fatigue and aches and it as it's name says, it has a calming affect. It's a fast acting magnesium that you mix with water. 

And it not only helps with my pain, it has completely rid me of constipation. I no longer take Amitiza because I don't need it. Following a gluten free diet and using the magnesium, my IBS symptoms are gone. You have to go slow with this product, start out with a half a teaspoon or 1 teaspoon for several days and build up until you have very loose stools or diarrhea, once you've hit that point you know you've reached the max your body needs and you need to back it down a little.

I'm also taking vitamins C and E, COQ10, ginseng. I'm also on a quest to eat real food, nothing from a box or a mix and I'm slowly making that transition. I'm learning to listen to my body, eating intuitively. I just feel like my body needs love and caring, something I've never shown it before.

Now if you're my friend on Twitter (waving hi) you know that I have my down days for sure. Some days the pain totally wins but my outlook is better. I know I have to have the bad days to appreciate the good. I just have to persevere, put one foot in front of the other and hold on.

Once I get the hang of this blog thing, I will post the books I have read and the ones I'm currently reading. Like we discussed on Twitter last night, I could be 2 months getting through one book, thanks to good ole fibro fog but I promise to pass on what I learn and where you should go to learn it too.

And just so you know, I am not a spokesperson for any of the products I talked about here. I'm just a regular girl trying to get well. Take what you like and leave the rest. 

   

How I Feel

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia almost 2 years ago, I've had for years but when undiagnosed because I refused to acknowledge how I was feeling. I had too much going on in my life-grieving the deather of my mother, raising my kids, taking care of my ill father. I was raised to just suck it up and to never complain.

I spent years trying to be supermom and the perfect wife. Pushing, pushing, pushing myself regardless of how I was feeling. I refused to take a moment for myself and used to look down on those who did.

I burnt the candle at both ends for years. I took care of my dying mother which was the most traumatic thing I've ever had to do. I was broken after her death with a pain inside me that I never knew could exist. I didn't want to be here without her, I didn't know how to.

I'd like to say that I'm ok now but I'm not. Losing my parents changed me, in some ways good in others not so much. Probably the worst thing is my fear of losing someone else. I have pulled back from those I love because I just can't stand it. Even my children who I love more than anyone or anything else. I regret it, I don't want to but yet I'm terrified to get too close.

After my diagnosis I was relieved because I thought I was going crazy with all my symptoms. I had heard of fibromyalgia but only in the negative sense, that it was fake, just something the doctor throws out when nothing else makes sense. 

I carried that belief even after diagnosis, telling myself it's not that big of a deal, suck it up, you're not dying. For God's sakes, you could have cancer! I didn't look sick, not really. I looked a little tired but who doesn't these days. And yeah, I limp around some, especially in the mornings.

I'm here to say today, as much for myself as for anyone else out there, fibromyalgia is real. My pain is real. So real that there are days where I wonder if I can continue to live this way. So real that I can't even talk because the energy it takes to form words is painful.

I could easily fall into all the negative things that come with a chronic illness because there are plenty. I do it more than I should. I'm trying now to change up my thinking, look at the positive things that have come out of being ill.

I have learned to not sweat the small stuff. I used to get my panties in a wad over every little thing. Now I just let it go, it's not worth the stress which can result in a flare. I love that I'm not like that anymore. I've become a much more understanding, compassionate person. I'm learning to listen to my body more and more. I love that too because I've never been one to check in with how I'm feeling. I'm learning to appreciate little things like having the energy to go shopping with my girls, talk to new people at the field hockey games, the love from my dog.

I no longer burn the candle at both ends and I am so damn thankful. Sure there are times when I wish I could just clean the house in a couple of hours rather than taking a whole day, sometimes two. I don't miss for a second being so stressed that I act like a crazy woman, flipping out over dumb things. I don't miss feeling like I have to keep up-work more for that fancy vehicle, to go out to eat 2-3 times a week, designer shoes and purses.

I've learned to be simple, to be satisfied and it's so much easier. No, I no longer get manicures every 2 weeks or pedicures ever 6 weeks. I don't get my hair cut every 6 weeks. I drive a van that I've had for 6 years that has almost 150,000 miles. We rarely eat out anymore. It was an adjustment for all of us but we've come to a place of acceptance. Our small business is struggling a bit (like many others) and because I physically can't work 2 jobs, we've learned what matters most. It's not things.

If you are my friend on Twitter, you know I have my down days. Some days the pain wins but yet I hold on. I'm strong, I'm able and I will live my life.

Meet the Cats

At work we have a terrible feral cat problem. We are located next to a Royal Farms convenience store which has trash dumpsters full of chicken, lunchmeat, hamburgers, hot dogs and I assume that is why they have come to live behind our office.

One morning a few months ago, a fluff ball of a kitten ran into the back of our office. He was little but ready to claw my arms and hands to shreds. I took him home, loved him and now he's the handsome striped kitty to the left.

So Remi wasn't lonely I went to the local cat rescue organization and adopted Leah. She is beautiful, so soft and has the sweetest disposition.

She is content to be held and cuddled all day. While Remi tolerates being held, he is more comfortable getting affection with his four feet firmly planted on the ground.

Remi and Leah stick together. They kind of have to because the roosters like to chase them. Especially Remi. The chickens have something against Remi. Maybe because he lays low in the grass, staring at them and they know he would love to have them for lunch.

And like my children, they can only stand to have their pictures taken for so long.

Notice the chicken in the background?

My next post I'll share some pictures of my chickens. All my life I wanted chickens, couldn't wait to have some of my own. I can spend hours just watching them.

My animals make me happy. On the days I'm feeling low, I spend extra time with them. I swear there is something therapeutic about the sound of a purring cat or the clucking of a happy chicken.

If I had my way, I would have some goats and lots more chickens. I would quit work, stay home, bake bread and take care of my animals.

Maybe someday.   

Crafty Sunday

On Sunday my 2 daughters-Ally (the oldest) & Abby (the youngest) plus Abby's friend Lexi decorated t-shirts. I took black t-shirts, ironed on last names, gave them neon puff fabric paints and let them go.

   
 

Ally also made bracelets out of bandanas.

 Pick 3 colors of bandanas, cut a strip from each one.

(Please ignore the bread on the table, I was in the process of putting away groceries.) 

Then you just set them up to braid them. Make sure you knot the end.

Here she is using my laundry detergent to keep the strips in place.

She also used my x-large can of pizza sauce.

Or you could actually ask your sister to hold the end for you.

And you braid the strips. Make sure you put a knot at the end as well.

Here you go with the finished product.

I would guess you could use old shirts, sheets, pretty much anything to make these bracelets.

The girls had so much fun crafting, they want to do it every Sunday which of course, makes me very happy. I love crafts and I love watching them be creative.

I was so inspired by them that I had went into the depths of my craft closet and brought out my card making supplies. I will post pics as soon as I have a few made. Right now I'm enjoying just sorting through, thinking and dreaming of what I want to do.

Making things, being creative brings me such pleasure that I don't know why I don't do it more often. Even just a little everyday. I want to start scheduling crafty time into my day. All too often I will think of doing something and I can find 10 different things I could be doing or should be doing. Why shouldn't I take the time to do something I love so much?

Do you take the time to do things you love?

   

Dusting Off the Cobwebs

Wow, this place is dusty and very neglected, kind of like my home. Kind of like a lot of things in my life. The last few months I have just been getting by, which isn't enough for me. I don't want to just get by, I want to really live, enjoy, be open to everything.

Living with a chronic illness is overwhelming. There are days where I can barely manage my fibromyalgia let alone anything else. I get swallowed whole by the pain, the medication schedules, the fatigue, the lack of sleep even though I'm beyond exhausted.

What I've done is let my illness take over. The only thing I've managed to hold onto is my crochet. I no longer read because my brain doesn't comprehend or hold onto things like it once did. So I just stopped rather than trying to work with it. I stopped writing because sometimes I just can't find the words or I can't seem to put on paper what is on my mind.

Having just come out of a particularly bad flare, I realized all the things I have given up to my illness. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm ready to dust off the cobwebs, I want to blog again. I want to get lost in a good book again. I want to take my camera and take pictures of whatever strikes me. I want to enjoy my children.

I want to live.