I was going to participate in that blogging thing that I can never remember the name of but you're supposed to blog everyday during November. Well, as you can tell it's the 3rd day of November and I haven't blogged until today.
Oh well, I have never been good with doing group things.
Last night my daughter, Abby, the youngest one had field hockey practice and I completely forgot. Granted she made no attempt to remind me but I even had it written on my chalkboard, in my kitchen that I walk by at least 50 times a day and yet, I still forgot. Honestly I didn't even know what day it was so even though the chalkboard read Tuesday-Abby-field hockey practice-5:15pm, it meant nothing because I thought it was Monday or even Sunday.
I remember when I was one of those moms that NEVER forgot an appointment, practice, party. I was ALWAYS on time. And this is when my children were smaller, when it should've been harder. Of course this was before fibromyalgia.
I do miss always being on time but I've learned to settle for 90% of the time. I do miss being able to remember my schedule for the week without writing it in on 5 calendars and a chalkboard. I miss being able to go and go without having to rest or worry that if I don't rest I will be on the sofa for 2 days unable to do anything but watch tv and tweet. I miss not being in pain even though I barely remember that now.
But to be honest there's a lot that I don't miss. I don't miss trying to be supermom, I like knowing that I don't have to be room mom, have my kids in 15 different activities, be part of the PTA, snack mom, in order to be a good mom. Now that I have to be very choosy as to what I do, I realize that none of that makes me a good mom. What it did was make me crazy, burnt out and unappreciated. I don't miss always feeling like I have to say yes.
I don't miss the rat race, the craziness of trying to keep up, the competitiveness that happens between adults. I guess now I see that none of that matters. I don't care if I'm driving a 6 year old van with 150,000 miles on it, hell it's paid off that's one less worry for us financially. I don't care that I don't own a Coach purse, or a boat, or a camper. Not that I begrudge anyone else those things, if you want them, go for it. I just remember the pressure I used to feel trying to keep up. I don't have that today and it's awesome.
Over the last 2 years my view of life, what's important has changed. Chronic illness has given me that, forced me to slow down and make changes. At first I balked, I fought it, now I am thankful.
I'm normally a negative person but I'm trying to find the silver lining that is always there, just sometimes it takes a little while to notice it's shine.
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