Put Yourself First

 Most women I know have a horrible habit of putting their needs and wants on the backburner. I will admit I am extremely guilty of it.

I have cooked dinner when I was in so much pain I could barely stand at the stove. I have sat at sports practices exhausted, its not uncommon to find me sleeping in my car.

Guilt drives me to do things that aren't good for me, to put my needs last.

Slowly I'm learning that I'm not doing anyone any good, especially myself by standing at the stove in tears or driving a kid to practice so exhausted I'm forcing my eyes to stay open. I'm learning to let go of the guilt.

It's not easy. Everyone in my life is adjusting to hearing the words "No, I can't. I'm sorry." They aren't always happy about it which makes my mom/wife/sister/friend guilt kick into high gear. In the past I always caved, now I cave about 30% of the time. It's progress not perfection.

My family and I spend every Easter at my in-laws. We have a big dinner, one of the bigger kids which is one of my kids dress up in the Easter bunny costume and the little kids have an Easter egg hunt. It's a fun day but a long day. A very long day.

This Easter was unusually hot and humid. My in-laws who are wealthy never turn on their air condition. Ever. Their house is big but you cram 30 people, 2 ovens cooking plus a stove top and it's damn hot in there.

I don't do cold too well and I don't do hot too well unless I'm sitting by the pool or the ocean. So as soon as I realized how hot the day was going to be, I planned to drive seperately from my family. That never goes over very well. The kids don't really care but for some reason my husband hates it. And yes, with the price of gas today, driving together would have been the most fuel efficient way but this is one of those situations where I need to place my health and my sanity first.

I managed four hours and then I had to leave. I was sick to my stomach from the heat, developing a bad headache and getting shakey. I said my good-byes and home I went with the A/C in my car blasting. Part of me worried what everyone was saying because this is the first time I've ever left a family dinner early and alone no less.

When I got home, put on some comfy clothes and snuggled with my puppy all those worries slipped away as I started to feel better physically. I sat in the silence, rubbing Mack's soft ears and knew that for once I had put myself first and it had been the right thing to do.

I'm writing this from the perspective of someone with a chronic illness but putting yourself, your health, your sanity first doesn't just apply to us. It applies to ALL women who put themselves last because most do. It's not easy, sometimes you will even make people angry but that's more their issue than yours.

It's taken me years and a chronic illness to get here. I wished that I had reached this place way earlier. I wish that I had learned to stop burning the candle at both ends. I wish I had taken more naps when my body was tired. I wish I had said no to some things so I could say yes to others.

Start today, don't wait. Take the time to enjoy the sunset, sit outside and watch your kids ride their bikes or just run around being kids. Have your husband put the kids to bed so you can enjoy a bubble bath or go to bed early with a good book.

You deserve it.

Comments

[Nicole]

I'm glad you are putting yourself first. You are right, it doesn't do your health any good to do so much for others. Also, it wears you out worse and makes your illness kick in to high gear and puts you down for a while.