The past few days have been rough, the fatigue has been relentless. Fatigue like this is overwhelming and after a few days of it, I become weepy and sad.
I feel powerless.
Yesterday I went to a couple of stores with my husband and it was all I could do to walk. I found myself clinging to the cart, willing my legs to move, each step feeling like I was dragging my feet through mud.
I was nauseous, sweating and worried I wouldn't make it. I didn't say a word. I was too afraid to speak. I think it was one of those times where you just can't say how you're feeling because if you put it out there, it becomes real. If you say nothing, if you don't let anyone else know, then maybe you can even fool yourself.
As we were standing in the check out line, I started wondering where my life is heading. Will I eventually not be able to go shopping without the aid of a wheelchair? Will I spend more and more hours alone in my house while the rest of my family is out enjoying their lives?
The word powerless came to mind.
I don't like feeling powerless but then who does? I'm all about power, strength, pushing through, moving on. Since my fibro diagnosis, I've learned that having power isn't just about physical strength, it's more a thought process.
The most powerful people I know are the ones I've met in the chronically awesome community. These are hundreds of men and women who deal with debilitating daily pain, some are bedridden, some use canes, wheelchairs or walkers. Some take enormous amounts of medication to do what "normal" people take for granted.
It takes power to get through each day facing the hurtles of the chronically ill. There's no greater power than pushing through when part of you just wants to give in because you're so damn tired of hurting and struggling.
When the feelings of powerlessness come over me, I remind myself that in a lot of ways I am powerless. Everyone is. I've had plenty of situations in my 39 years that I had no control over and some sucked. I can say I came out on the other side having learned my most precious lessons.
I have power. Power to change my thoughts, reach out and help others, make the most of everyday. It doesn't matter if I am in bed, on the sofa or at work. I can do all these things and more.
I get scared, I worry about my future and my health. I worry about my children and their futures. There are numerous things a day that I worry about because I can't control them which pushes me right into feeling powerless. Sometimes I cry and feel sorry for myself for awhile. Then I reach down deep and put one foot in front of the other. Slowly I start to feel better, I've found my power.
Hi,
I'm one of your followers on twitter. I used to have fibro and I know exactly what you mean about feeling powerless. When I was sick, I felt like everything in my life was out of my control. I used to get in fights with the doctors all the time because I hated when they would tell me to learn to live with the pain or that it was all in my head. Powerlessness and empowerment are topics I like to write about a lot. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to feel powerless anymore. Like I said, I USED to have fibro, but I've fully recovered! I'm doing so well that I actually insanely cleaned my entire house the past four days and I didn't have any pain at all! If you are interested, check out what I've written on my blog: www.freedomfromfibro.wordpress.com. I stopped using conventional medicine and on a whim, I worked with this woman named Viviane Oberhand. She has developed a painless, medicine-free process that actually gets rid of your fibro symptoms. I know this probably sounds too good to be true, but I swear on everything that's important to me that she does wonderful work. If you look at my blog, there are links to her website with interviews, testimonials, etc. Viviane is doing these 4-day Breakthroughs - one just happened this past week and 6 women left the retreat completely pain-free, joyful and empowered. I even sent one of my friends from high school to her and she came to my house yesterday and she said she's completely fibro free. Even if you're skeptical, please just check out my blog and/or Viviane's website. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO GET HEALTHY - YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCESS IT. You can also contact me if you have questions or even if you just need someone to talk to about what you're going through. I know how isolated fibro makes you feel and sometimes it's just easier to talk to another fibro survivor. Fibro is a horrible illness and I know how much it can affect your quality of life. Ever since I got my health back, I've kind of been on a mission to help other people overcome fibro - it brings tears to my eyes hearing about the suffering that's going on. There really is no need for you to continue to suffer. When I was at my worst with fibro, I was literally planning my suicide - that's how bad I was. I only wish someone had told me about Viviane's process sooner so I didn't have to go through that much pain and anguish. I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart and I hope you will at least look at Viviane's website: http://healinghut.uibcsites.com/. You totally have the power within yourself to heal and eliminate the fibro from your body. You are a beautiful and powerful woman and the fibro does not need to control you or your life. Best wishes and I hope to hear back from you - even if you decide Viviane isn't for you.
Very Sincerely,
Leora
P.S. sorry this is so long, I just really want to help :p
Posted by: Leora Katz | 06/29/2011 at 03:10 AM